TACOS trip report: My basement

Ok, so this is not so much of a trip report, as it is something totally badass that had to be shared with the world mainly because I have not updated in forever.


I hired Craig (and he subcontracted to Jason) to jackhammer a trench in my basement so that the plumber can finally lay his pipe (hehe, thats funny) and my basement will finally be finished. Anyway, you kinda need a jackhammer to be able to jackhammer shit. I do not have a jackhammer. You can apparently rent them at home depot for only $75/day. AWESOME!!!


I admit that I was only able to use said jackhammer momentarily when I went home at lunch to make sure they had not destroyed my entire house, and I'm very surprised to have found that they did not destroy my house simply because using a jackhammer is awesome. I highly recommend it, especially for recreational use. I intend on spending at least one afternoon in the near future trying to come up with a sport that based on jackhammering shit.

PS: Tong still sucks.

TACOS trip report: TACOS will be replaces with MACOS for today only

Once upon a time Seamus sent out an email to 456 people and the same two people as usual responded and everyone else was "busy." As it turns out, those people may not end up with Ebola or Malaria or Eastern Equine Encephalitis, but we will get to that later.

The few of you whom have taken your lives in your hands by riding in any sort of mechanized vehicle with Steve Li behind the controls know exactly what it feels like to think that you may die at any moment. Those of you who have not, DO NOT EVER GET IN A CAR WITH STEVE LI.

Since we got into Maine just after dusk on Friday night we needed to travel about an hour down windy one lane roads through the woods to get to the campsite. After just watching for about fifteen minutes I decided to question Steve about his use of high beams. His methodology is as follows. "I turn on the high beams before the corner to get a mental picture, then turn them off to go through the corner so I don't piss off the people in the houses on the corners or the cars coming the other way" I agree with his point of turning off your high beams when another car is coming at you, but WTF?!?!? to his logic on the trees/houses.

A. There was a house on a corner maybe twice on the whole trip

B. If they bought that house, they knew what they were getting into.

C. If we hit a tree we die.

D. Steve has poor day vision and NO NIGHT VISION and has refused to buy new glasses since 2005 when his old ones literally turned to dust.

E. He had been on the verge of falling asleep for the last hour and a half when we started into the woods.

side note #1 - clicking through songs on your iPod to keep yours self awake while flying down country roads, in the dark, flipping your lights on and off, with a kayak that is longer than your car tied to it is generally thought of as not a fantastic idea.

Side note #2 - at the end we missed the turn and had to turn around to go back to it, and Steve stuck his head out the window and said "where is the road?" WHILE LOOKING DIRECTLY AT IT

Camping that night was quite uneventful. There was a fishing pinball machine in the rec room that I found interesting, but not quite enough to play, and there was a rain shelter at the site that we laid out on and watched the stars for a bit.

THE RIVER: Paddling on Saturday was rather uneventful. It was simply a good day on the river. We passed a lot of really really really drunk people, and had some burgers and hot dogs for lunch. I wish we had taken a little more time to go swimming because the water was great and then sun was fantastic. We did 12.3 miles before finding a spot to camp that looked like it didn’t have too many mosquitoes. We were wrong. Dead wrong. I think that was the fastest I have ever seen a camp be set up or taken down in my life. After attempting to get a fire going to smoke out the buggers for 10 minutes I had about 2 dozen mosquito bites and said screw this and jumped into the tent with Cap and Steve. Other than running outside to relieve ourselves or grab a bag we left outside, none of us left the tent until 7am on Sunday. Spending 12 hours in a tent wasn’t as bad as it could have been. For example it Tong had been there he would have been bitching about it the whole time, rather than passing the time battling the few mosquitoes who did make it in like Steve decided to. I think his final tally was north of 200 kills. After cooking steak tips and rice on a stove in the tent rather than battling the little fuckers outside we had a few delicious beverages (bud light) and listened to music from my phone until Steve and I both passed out at different points and then Cap sent us to bed. I would like it noted for the record that they both decided that although I have a lot of terrible music on my iTunes, good stuff seemed to have made its way to my phone. There was no meow mix, and I think we have a better appreciation of John Williams work.

Despite the fact that we left a drybag with enough oatmeal, granola bars and bread to feed a small army at the campsite, that was the fastest/most efficient breakdown of a camp I have ever seen. I had a good cry about loosing my drybag last night, until I realized that if I still had it, I would probably also have another 274 mosquito bites. The river was prettymuch infested on Sunday, and the only chance of not being eaten alive we had was to keep the pace up and stay in the sun. If we even drifted near the edge of the shadows on either side of the mighty Saco River we were doomed. Although it felt like we were paddling at the speed of light on Sunday we only managed 3.8 mph, as opposed to our 3.3 on Saturday. It was enough to get us to dry, un-mosquito infested land by noonish.

When we finally left we headed to Old Orchard Beach for some swimming in the non-mosquito infested Atlantic ocean. It was glorious. A little windy and only about 75, but Glorious. Cap read her book on the shore, and Steve and I played in the waves. Steve decided that he would "just turn left, just remember to turn left" when we were bodysurfing, and surprisingly enough ran into a gaggle of 14 year old girls just to the left of us when we surfed in. He laughed. They left. I laughed.

Cap and Steve made a sand castle, and Steve got pooped on.

I napped.

We went to The Clambake and had a delicious seafood dinner.

We drove home, and got waved at by a number of small children.

Epilogue: How does fiction have an epilogue? See, I am using an epilogue, but this story is based in fact, so I can. Apparently Cap's novel about some dude writing letters to his wife, and then his kids finding them had an epilogue. It was supposed to be the last letter or something. It was even in a little envelope at the back of the book. And printed in fake handwriting. How do you have an epilogue in fiction?!?!? As Wikipedia tells me it is apparently OK, but I disagree. Finding out that Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs, is a fitting subject for an epilogue. Some fake dude, writing fake letters to his fake wife, is not.

Real Epilogue: Chuck Norris is really suing NBC

Today’s topic: TACOS trip – Sunday

Breakfast:

• Garlic Bread - Cheesewiz and ground garlic on subrolls that we did not eat at lunch due to KFC
• Sausage
• Leftover Taco meat, Rice, Cheese on Tortilla chips
• Bruscetta – Garlic bread with salsa on it – a Ray Tong creation
• Breakfast bars

Morning ride - Lasted about 30 minutes due to:

• Both of Steve’s wheels being flat due to parking his bike in a thorn bush overnight.
• A bolt’s housing on ray seat breaking and making the seat jam itself directly into his delicate areas.
• My derailier hitting a rock and making a ton of noise/not being able to shift into third gear.

We were home by noon.

Today’s topic: TACOS trip – Saturday

Sat morning we woke up at 6AM because Steve is a douche and couldn’t sleep so he decided to wake me up by blowing cigarette smoke into my tent so that I will get up and make breakfast. We get the fire going and feast on sausage egg and cheese McMuffins and breakfast bars, then decide to go for a morning ride before Ray gets in. 7 miles later the sun is up and we are disgustingly hot and sweaty.

The park is supposed to have a pond for swimming and whatnot, but it does not. It does have a pond. The pond has a sign. The sign says “no swimming at Wompatuck State Park” FUCK.

Back at the campsite my GPS tells me that we are only 4 miles from Hingham Harbor so I decide we should go there and go swimming. Once again we get in the car, and head to the beach. “The Hingham Bathing Beach” according to the GPS is disgusting. It is low tide so it is all rocky/muddy/nasty and there are two horseshoe crabs going at it, so Steve pokes them for a while. We toss a football around then head back to camp cause the beach sucks.

Ray Tong comes barreling into camp at about noon with my dad’s bike and an 18” Santa doll buckled into the backseat of his jeep. We poke/prod/annoy him for a few minutes then let him set up his stuff. He wanders into the Asian’s tent and I immediately hear a vacuum start. HUH?!?! Oops, it’s not a vacuum. He brought an air mattress and electric pump and is letting it fill up.

Earlier in the weekend I was giving Steve shit for buying a ground mat because I have always thought of camping as a time to rough it* but this week I broke down and bought a ground mat, that required blowing up. Steve, I apologize for giving you shit. It takes about five minutes and then you aren’t sleeping directly on the cold/hard/rocky ground. You are 2.5” above it. But seriously, bringing an air mattress that requires electricity camping?!?!?! WTF TONG?!?!?

After Ray was done setting up his gear we headed out for our afternoon ride. Another 8 miles. Ray and his need to have all sorts of toys/accessories for the two camping trips a year he actually makes it to decided even though it was 90° he would wear two shirts and pants. Steve and I warn him that this is a bad idea, but he ignores us. Five minutes into the ride he decides this was a bad idea. First he removes his “pants” by unzipping the legs and making them into shorts. Unfortunately he does not have room in his pockets for his pant legs and decides to wear one as a do-rag** and the other as a scarf. That lasts about ten minutes before his scarf is overheating and needs to be adjusted*** About 20 minutes after this the two shirt thing is getting old, so he decides to wear his top shirt as a cape. Now we are 2ish miles into our trip and Ray looks like a retarded Asian batman riding a woman’s street bike through the woods.

By the time we get back to camp it is lunchtime. I had brought some cold cuts, chips, crackers, apples, etc. for lunch, but Ray mentions that he saw a KFC on the way into the park, and now all previously scheduled lunch plans are off. Yet again, we get in the car and head 4 miles down the road to KFC. The Asians decide we need to get the largest thing on the menu, the 16 piece family feast with 4 sides and 8 biscuits. THERE ARE ONLY 3 OF US!!!! The two of them gorge themselves as usual and I have a piece of chicken and some sides. We pack up the leftovers and bring them back to camp for later in the night. When we get back we sit around for a while and try not to sweat too much, then play some football and Frisbee.

When dinnertime finally rolls around I start making the TACOS and the Asians run off to the woods to play with Ray’s BB gun. They wander back just in time for TACOS, so we dig in. Honestly, that was the best meal ever. If not due to the inherent awesomeness of tacos and the fact that we were eating them in the woods, then due to the awesomeness of eating tacos and making fun of ray by the simple act of eating.

As the night rolls on and the Coors light starts flowing, I was told by each Asian independently, that I am an alright guy. Kinda weird. At some point between the time that the people directly behind us went into their tent to watch movies, and the camp next to our’s 3,000th dominos game the Asians decided to eat the leftover chicken. There is nothing better for you than 6 hour old KFC that has been sitting in the sun all afternoon. I make the executive decision that the only solution is to rotisserie the entire bucket. Note, I do not mean stick each piece of chicken on a spit and roast them, I mean stab the bucket with a stick and burn the whole thing.

Soon enough the beer is out and its time to hit the sack.

*I know, I bring a ton of shit with me, but Ray is wayyy worse.
** I don’t know how to spell anyway, especially do-rag?!?
*** put into little tiny pocket on shirt

Today’s topic: TACOS trip - Friday

So last weekend I dragged Steve and Ray along for a TACOS weekend, and I am quite proud to say that we fulfilled the dream of TACOS.

• Tong – He actually went into the woods, and didn’t even bring hair gel.


• Adventurous Camping – It was all the way in Hingham, we had to deal with traffic and everything.


• Outdoor Sports – mountain biking*


• TACOS – we had actual tacos for dinner. AWESOME!!
  

Even though I sent both of them a number of emails about Wompatuck State Park Ray still managed to ask:

“Where are we going? What's the address? What time should I meet you guys tomorrow? Do I need to bring anything besides sleeping bag, bike, hair gel, egg mcmuffin maker?

Ray”

Ya, that’s his actual email, 18 emails into the chain about the trip. Also, Steve thought that we were going to drive somewhere to then bike into the park. Anyway, Steve and I got to the park after battling some Friday afternoon cape traffic with enough time to fully set up camp and have dinner before dark. That’s kinda a big deal for us. We generally get to the campsite at about 10PM and have to fiddle around in the dark to set up camp and/or use car headlights to set up camp.

Since it was approximately 276° on Friday night, Steve decided it was sooo weird to be car camping** and that we have to get in the car and drive 4 miles down the road to the gas station at the edge of the park for ice cream. Just as we left the site the infamous Ray Tong called to let us know that he will defiantly not be getting to the site before sat morning because there is a crazy storm happening at that time in Somerville. We reply that it is perfectly clear at the site and he is a little girl and should avoid the storm by coming camping immediately (we are only a half our away). He hangs up on us.

Within .01 seconds of hanging up the phone the sky opens up and dumps a swimming pool on us. And not a little kiddie pool type pool, the Olympic sized shit. We make it to the gas station and get ice cream sandwiches, which were not particularly worth the drive, and head back to camp. At this point we can no longer see the road in front of us, and there are no street lights on the road so we drive 3 mph through the park to get back to the site.

*until all of our bikes died Sunday morning at approx 11:18AM
** prettymuch every time we have ever gone camping we have done at least one night of car camping, but Steve decided that those don’t count.

blogTACOS is catching on

I just stumbled across this and had to add it. the Camping and Tacos movement is gathering steam. This fundrasier is blending the two. AWESOME.

http://www.boston.com/thingstodo/gotoit/2008/07/we_heart_camp_4.html

Today’s topic: Giant ass from MIT and his masochistic bike trail.

Never again!!!! Will I trust something I found on the internet to be accurate. For Sunday funday/my birthday, Steve, Cap and I went biking out to Walden pond. Somewhere in the interwebs there has to be a map detailing where the hell the Minuteman trail starts/ends. I thought I had found a possibly accurate route from Harvard sq. to Walden and back. THIS WAS NOT TRUE!!!!! The douche that posted this must be some masochistic jackass because that was the worst 35 miles of my life. Even if you leave out the part where I was hungover, and didn’t bring enough water or any food with us, that route sucked. After the first seven or eight hills Steve tried to think of how he could get someone to come pick us up because he did not want to play anymore. Since everyone with a car was out of town this weekend, that didn’t work, so we had to continue on. Somewhere between twelve and four hundred and twenty two hills later we reached Walden pond. Right before we hopped in to cool down Cap mentioned that one of her friends was at Walden a couple of days before us and the pond was closed due to bacteria levels. Once again, Steve decided to flip out but got in the water anyway. We all now have extra appendages. Whatever. They’re useful.

As it turns out my waterproof GPS unit is waterproof. It does NOT float. This is something that I am very glad I found out in two feet of water instead of throwing it in and swimming over to it as Steve suggested. We also found out that items that stand up in water due to being heavier at the bottom and/or filled with air (like my GPS) will amuse Steve Li for days if you let him play with them.

To get home alive we spent some time on Steve’s (now outdated) iPhone and talking with a lifeguard to find our way to the actual trail. It didn’t turn out too well. We made it a couple of miles on the trail then it just ended and didn’t really have a sign to where it started up again, so we just kept heading east and figured we would hit the city at some point.

That’s it for now, I’m gonna go crawl in a hole and recover for a while.

P.S. next weekend may involve actual tacos on a TACOS trip

Today's topic: kayaking without all that work.

Being out on the water and letting your mind wander is a fantastic way to shake off a rough day at the office or to waste a weekend. While my mind is wandering I often think, hey this is great, the only thing that could make it better was if I wasn't doing any of this work. Since my name is not Meghan W_____s, I actually have to paddle which can be an issue some days. The reason for this post is because I found two fantastic ways around this issue.

• Option 1 – a sail: If you are not as awesome as I am you could go out and buy one of these for your boat, but most of the ones I found online are stationary ones that only work when going downwind. Since I live on a harbor that mostly blows to the east, with home being on the west this would not work. I would be able to get really far off shore, and then not be able to get home and die. That does not sound like a lot of fun. Thus a movable sail is needed. Some of you may know that a few years ago I built a sail for my kayak for just this purpose. The only problem was that I did not have a good sail material, and the sail ripped apart about 100 yards into my first voyage leaving me with a giant sheet of plastic dragging under the boat as I paddled back to shore a defeated man. After this debacle I started looking online for a legit sailing rig. My favorite so far is this thing (look right). It turns your kayak into a full on sailboat. Unfortunately it costs as much as buying another kayak. Since I also carry or tow my kayak to the harbor myself, it is quite unfortunate that this thing adds a friggin ton* of weight.

• Option 2 – a motor: I am in favor of buying personal watercraft that are human powered over motorized because it is better for the environment and bonus: it’s cheaper. Yay $$. Just because I bought a personal watercraft without an engine doesn’t mean I don’t want it to have an engine. I’m pretty lazy, so all that paddling gets to me after a while. I honestly had been thinking about ways to jerrying a powerdrill to a rotor and duck tape it to the rudder for a while now. In an attempt to not electrocute myself or destroy any power tools (I also have a blog about power tools http://blogtool.raytong.com/ ) I found this sweet toy on the interwebs. It is the same type of outrigger as the massive sail has, but instead of a seating platform it has a solar panel (take that $4.26 gas) and a little fishing moter. This toy also would add a ton* of weight to the kayak, so lugging it down to the beach is not particularly an option. Man, if I only had an extra $2,000 and Chuck Norris’ muscles I could have both these sweet toys.
  
  *not an actual ton, just a lot of weight

Today’s Topic: Camping vs. not camping

For the first time in a number of years I went up to a friend’s camp in Maine for the 4th of July. Many people are confused by the expression “I went up to a friend’s camp.” People who use this terminology usually get responses similar to:

• Like, summer camp?!?!


• What?


• Huh?

For those of you who are confused as hell by this let me clarify. In the northeast region of the united states a large number of people who have cabins/cottages/small, roughly built house usually with a wood exterior and typically found in rural areas (thanks wikipedia) call them camp’s. Due to the miniscule nature of the building itself, a number of people generally camp (in tents) around the building. The camp I was at is called camp gimmiyabeeya. http://www.gimmiyabeeya.com/

Based on my conclusive data from the last week, one of the better benefits of camping is the weather. While it was dreary and boring in Boston over the holiday weekend, there was not a cloud in the sky where I was camping. I therefore conclude that the weather is always better while camping. While camping you can also eat/drink as much as you want because

• Everyone else is doing it.


• There are no scales


• There is no scooter guy asking, “have you gained weight?”

While we are on the subject of scooter guy’s; There is no reason other than for use as a firestarter to bring hair gel camping. Also, as a general rule of thumb do not under any circumstances bring pants that can zip off into really short shorts into the woods. Yokels or your friends will shoot you.

I’m bored now, so that’s it for the moment

The Rules

Supposedly Tong will give me $5 if I can accomplish the following:

• I have to actually create a blog. DONE!
• I have to have regular updates (Tong says daily, but I intend to use “as often as he updates his” as the basis for this)
• It has to last a month (created 7/3/08)
• I am not allowed to copy his blog entries into mine, and then rip on him.
• There was probably something else, but I forget at the moment and I’m sure he will come up with at least a half a dozen other “rules.”
  

Today there are too many people who would rather stare at some sort of computer or TV screen (like you are now, and I was earlier) than they would go play in what your parents call "outdoors" or "nature." I have been guilty of this from time to time as well, so if I go off on some self righteous rant about something you have personally seen me do, feel free to call me on it, cause odds are I would call you on it. In case you haven’t noticed yet, my main target for comparison throughout the blog will be Ray Tong http://bostonscooter.blogspot.com/ mainly because it’s just fun to pick on him.

Enjoy.