Sat morning we woke up at 6AM because Steve is a douche and couldn’t sleep so he decided to wake me up by blowing cigarette smoke into my tent so that I will get up and make breakfast. We get the fire going and feast on sausage egg and cheese McMuffins and breakfast bars, then decide to go for a morning ride before Ray gets in. 7 miles later the sun is up and we are disgustingly hot and sweaty.
The park is supposed to have a pond for swimming and whatnot, but it does not. It does have a pond. The pond has a sign. The sign says “no swimming at Wompatuck State Park” FUCK.
Back at the campsite my GPS tells me that we are only 4 miles from Hingham Harbor so I decide we should go there and go swimming. Once again we get in the car, and head to the beach. “The Hingham Bathing Beach” according to the GPS is disgusting. It is low tide so it is all rocky/muddy/nasty and there are two horseshoe crabs going at it, so Steve pokes them for a while. We toss a football around then head back to camp cause the beach sucks.
Ray Tong comes barreling into camp at about noon with my dad’s bike and an 18” Santa doll buckled into the backseat of his jeep. We poke/prod/annoy him for a few minutes then let him set up his stuff. He wanders into the Asian’s tent and I immediately hear a vacuum start. HUH?!?! Oops, it’s not a vacuum. He brought an air mattress and electric pump and is letting it fill up.
Earlier in the weekend I was giving Steve shit for buying a ground mat because I have always thought of camping as a time to rough it* but this week I broke down and bought a ground mat, that required blowing up. Steve, I apologize for giving you shit. It takes about five minutes and then you aren’t sleeping directly on the cold/hard/rocky ground. You are 2.5” above it. But seriously, bringing an air mattress that requires electricity camping?!?!?! WTF TONG?!?!?
After Ray was done setting up his gear we headed out for our afternoon ride. Another 8 miles. Ray and his need to have all sorts of toys/accessories for the two camping trips a year he actually makes it to decided even though it was 90° he would wear two shirts and pants. Steve and I warn him that this is a bad idea, but he ignores us. Five minutes into the ride he decides this was a bad idea. First he removes his “pants” by unzipping the legs and making them into shorts. Unfortunately he does not have room in his pockets for his pant legs and decides to wear one as a do-rag** and the other as a scarf. That lasts about ten minutes before his scarf is overheating and needs to be adjusted*** About 20 minutes after this the two shirt thing is getting old, so he decides to wear his top shirt as a cape. Now we are 2ish miles into our trip and Ray looks like a retarded Asian batman riding a woman’s street bike through the woods.
By the time we get back to camp it is lunchtime. I had brought some cold cuts, chips, crackers, apples, etc. for lunch, but Ray mentions that he saw a KFC on the way into the park, and now all previously scheduled lunch plans are off. Yet again, we get in the car and head 4 miles down the road to KFC. The Asians decide we need to get the largest thing on the menu, the 16 piece family feast with 4 sides and 8 biscuits. THERE ARE ONLY 3 OF US!!!! The two of them gorge themselves as usual and I have a piece of chicken and some sides. We pack up the leftovers and bring them back to camp for later in the night. When we get back we sit around for a while and try not to sweat too much, then play some football and Frisbee.
When dinnertime finally rolls around I start making the TACOS and the Asians run off to the woods to play with Ray’s BB gun. They wander back just in time for TACOS, so we dig in. Honestly, that was the best meal ever. If not due to the inherent awesomeness of tacos and the fact that we were eating them in the woods, then due to the awesomeness of eating tacos and making fun of ray by the simple act of eating.
As the night rolls on and the Coors light starts flowing, I was told by each Asian independently, that I am an alright guy. Kinda weird. At some point between the time that the people directly behind us went into their tent to watch movies, and the camp next to our’s 3,000th dominos game the Asians decided to eat the leftover chicken. There is nothing better for you than 6 hour old KFC that has been sitting in the sun all afternoon. I make the executive decision that the only solution is to rotisserie the entire bucket. Note, I do not mean stick each piece of chicken on a spit and roast them, I mean stab the bucket with a stick and burn the whole thing.
Soon enough the beer is out and its time to hit the sack.
*I know, I bring a ton of shit with me, but Ray is wayyy worse.
** I don’t know how to spell anyway, especially do-rag?!?
*** put into little tiny pocket on shirt
The park is supposed to have a pond for swimming and whatnot, but it does not. It does have a pond. The pond has a sign. The sign says “no swimming at Wompatuck State Park” FUCK.
Back at the campsite my GPS tells me that we are only 4 miles from Hingham Harbor so I decide we should go there and go swimming. Once again we get in the car, and head to the beach. “The Hingham Bathing Beach” according to the GPS is disgusting. It is low tide so it is all rocky/muddy/nasty and there are two horseshoe crabs going at it, so Steve pokes them for a while. We toss a football around then head back to camp cause the beach sucks.
Ray Tong comes barreling into camp at about noon with my dad’s bike and an 18” Santa doll buckled into the backseat of his jeep. We poke/prod/annoy him for a few minutes then let him set up his stuff. He wanders into the Asian’s tent and I immediately hear a vacuum start. HUH?!?! Oops, it’s not a vacuum. He brought an air mattress and electric pump and is letting it fill up.
Earlier in the weekend I was giving Steve shit for buying a ground mat because I have always thought of camping as a time to rough it* but this week I broke down and bought a ground mat, that required blowing up. Steve, I apologize for giving you shit. It takes about five minutes and then you aren’t sleeping directly on the cold/hard/rocky ground. You are 2.5” above it. But seriously, bringing an air mattress that requires electricity camping?!?!?! WTF TONG?!?!?
After Ray was done setting up his gear we headed out for our afternoon ride. Another 8 miles. Ray and his need to have all sorts of toys/accessories for the two camping trips a year he actually makes it to decided even though it was 90° he would wear two shirts and pants. Steve and I warn him that this is a bad idea, but he ignores us. Five minutes into the ride he decides this was a bad idea. First he removes his “pants” by unzipping the legs and making them into shorts. Unfortunately he does not have room in his pockets for his pant legs and decides to wear one as a do-rag** and the other as a scarf. That lasts about ten minutes before his scarf is overheating and needs to be adjusted*** About 20 minutes after this the two shirt thing is getting old, so he decides to wear his top shirt as a cape. Now we are 2ish miles into our trip and Ray looks like a retarded Asian batman riding a woman’s street bike through the woods.
By the time we get back to camp it is lunchtime. I had brought some cold cuts, chips, crackers, apples, etc. for lunch, but Ray mentions that he saw a KFC on the way into the park, and now all previously scheduled lunch plans are off. Yet again, we get in the car and head 4 miles down the road to KFC. The Asians decide we need to get the largest thing on the menu, the 16 piece family feast with 4 sides and 8 biscuits. THERE ARE ONLY 3 OF US!!!! The two of them gorge themselves as usual and I have a piece of chicken and some sides. We pack up the leftovers and bring them back to camp for later in the night. When we get back we sit around for a while and try not to sweat too much, then play some football and Frisbee.
When dinnertime finally rolls around I start making the TACOS and the Asians run off to the woods to play with Ray’s BB gun. They wander back just in time for TACOS, so we dig in. Honestly, that was the best meal ever. If not due to the inherent awesomeness of tacos and the fact that we were eating them in the woods, then due to the awesomeness of eating tacos and making fun of ray by the simple act of eating.
As the night rolls on and the Coors light starts flowing, I was told by each Asian independently, that I am an alright guy. Kinda weird. At some point between the time that the people directly behind us went into their tent to watch movies, and the camp next to our’s 3,000th dominos game the Asians decided to eat the leftover chicken. There is nothing better for you than 6 hour old KFC that has been sitting in the sun all afternoon. I make the executive decision that the only solution is to rotisserie the entire bucket. Note, I do not mean stick each piece of chicken on a spit and roast them, I mean stab the bucket with a stick and burn the whole thing.
Soon enough the beer is out and its time to hit the sack.
*I know, I bring a ton of shit with me, but Ray is wayyy worse.
** I don’t know how to spell anyway, especially do-rag?!?
*** put into little tiny pocket on shirt
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